Dear Lord,

I need a few things. Just a few. Nothing miraculous.

A nice shaded spot under a tree. A simple hammock. Some ice cold beer in a bucket - on a tropical beach, with clean sand and clear water.

I need no:

I need this pleasure right now. OK thanks.   

- humming air conditioning units in the background.
- tourists walking, chatting and milling about
- kids screaming
- no plastic chairs and no colorful umbrellas
- no waiters or servers
- no big hotel, building or resort behind me

I would like to bring my:
- my sun glasses
- some music
- a good long book
- my notebook and a pencil

Preferably somewhere remote, quiet, rough, untamed, no cell phone signal, desolate and away from the bustle - so I can see the stars at night when I wake up from my alcohol delivered slumber.

Why is something simple like this too much to ask? Please advise.

Thanks,

Jab

Google Maps

Out of sheer curiosity, I wanted to check the traffic situation of the whole United States. It worked. 


As expected, the densely populated cities have trouble spots. I hope you're not travelling between Spokane, WA and Missoula, MT. You'll encounter some slow downs there. 

Loyalty

On August 6, 2011 - a weekend, most of us woke up to the news that a large helicopter came under fire and crashed in Afghanistan and crashed, killing all 38 occupants of the aircraft. This included 8 Afghan soldiers and 30 US military personnel, including a g special forces from the same unit as the SEAL team that made its assault and captured the Abbottabad compound eventually killing Osama Bin Laden.

Here's a snippet of a report on one of the service of one of the fallen soldiers.


"Petty Officer Jon T. Tumilson was laid to rest Friday in Rockford, Iowa, where an estimated 1,500 mourners came to pay respects for the fallen Navy SEAL, including his dog Hawkeye. In fact, Hakeye’s loyalty to his owner at the funeral was visible, creating a heart-wrenching image as he laid down by the casket of his owner during the entire service."* 











http://weaselzippers.us/2011/08/23/pic-of-the-day-dog-keeps-watch-over-fallen-seal%E2%80%99s-casket-during-funeral/

What do you get when you leave a megaphone on a podium in the middle of New York City?

Apparently, a lot of love.

"For our latest mission we constructed a custom wooden lectern with a megaphone holster and an attached sign that read, “Say Something Nice.” The lectern was placed in public spaces around New York and then left alone. We wanted to see what would happen if New Yorkers were given the opportunity to amplify their voices to “say something nice.”"

Say Something Nice
The way I see this is that, there's hope for humanity. People love to love. People love to share love. Unfortunately, the environment asks people to be cool sometimes too cool. Sometimes becoming to uncouth. 


This video is awesome. Can't wait for this to show up in Las Vegas. 

Scabs and rugrats

As I was perusing the Internet this morning, I came across a Russian LiveJournal account with this photo on it's banner. I smiled because I realized that in this world, there are still misfit groups like this that grow up learning about life's lessons as they earn more scabs on their knees and shins and elbows.

I was one of the boys that cruised the streets of our gated subdivision on his own bike every single day of the week. As soon as school ends, we all head home, change out of our school uniforms and meet up somewhere.

This is not a photo and me and my friends. 

During the summer, we would all meet up after breakfast, rest at someones house during the day when it's too hot , play outside in the afternoon and all get home as soon as it gets dark.

We knew what areas of our subdivision to avoid because there were dogs roaming around. We knew  the trees that we could climb, we knew which neighbors were nice enough to let us have fruits from their own trees and we knew where we can buy chilled water in plastic bags for 1 peso. We knew which walls to scale to go to the neighboring subdivisions.

We would visit the homes of the girls we liked, talked to them with their iron fences separating us, and if we're lucky and their parents are nice enough will be offered some mirienda, and be told that if we plan to court their daughters that we should do it properly, inside the house. Not on the street.

I wonder if my children will grow up with their crew. With his "barkada". In the Philippines, the idea of barkada or your group is largely responsible for teaching the sense of no man left behind, "walang iwanan". Everyone knew where the other one was. Everyone followed the leader, usually the oldest one in the group, even if it meant just a few weeks older. The eldest took care of everyone especially the youngest one. The boys will stand up for each other. They will face other boys and sometimes mangy dogs or older bullies.

They will help each other go over walls, fix their bikes and climb trees. Learn how to fish in the small ponds and creeks. Realize that worms aren't that disgusting, that caterpillars shouldn't be touched. Pornography was for shits and giggles and it was not a click away. Knowing how to fix your bike was a must and playing in mud is ok.

I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of the grown ups back on those days whom I came across when I was a kid, barely 10 - maybe even when I was 7 or 8. The security guards, the guy in the neighborhood store, the school bus driver, the local mechanic, even my friends' parents. I can't imagine how they saw me and why they would let me and the other kids just go out and roam around - how did they know that we will be back home later that day? We may be bruised and wounded a bit, but they knew we will be home.

We've had our share of accidents before. Maybe a trip or two to the local doctor. Maybe 10 or 12 stitches here and there. But you know what? No one blamed us. Our parents did not stop us from being who we were. We were just told to be more careful. And you know what? We knew that and we were.

We had video games back then, but we played with it when it gets too hot outside or when it's raining. We amused ourselves with playing street games, making makeshift basketball courts, playing hide and seek, swimming in the community pool, playing with fireworks, building kites and running in the rain.

Somehow I have faith that this life will come back. I can't imagine boys growing up another way. It builds character, and fosters all the value of taking care of one another, exploration, simple happiness, camaraderie, honesty and nonchalance.

Go forth, children with wounded knees, dirtied faces and calloused hands! The world is an adventure! It is yours to conquer! Just make sure you'll be home by sun down.

Why we need you Will and Kate - and what I expect from you.

There are two words that I will start with on this post: Royal Hooplah. 


Do not get me wrong, I actually appreciate the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I'd be a hypocrite if I said I wouldn't want to marry a girl like her and be an actual prince (charming). I've come across quite a few people in real life and on media that have a different stand on the issue. 


Some people despise the royal family. It's existence. Some of my american friends say that America is founded on the idea of denouncing the King and Queen. Fine, that's arguable. But Britain has a different kind of government now from 1776, right? Some Britte say they despise the royal family because they have to pay for the existence of the family. That the royals lavish lifestyle is due to the hard work of society. Ok, arguable. 


Here's my point. Whether it's Will and Kate or any other royal, they have a responsibility to society much like anyone else in the position, or let me go further than that, anyone else in the limelight. 


In a world where people pine after rock stars, hip hop moguls, reality shows from New Jersey, overweight individuals and washed out child stars... In a world where everyone on TV has ''written" a book, has an energy drink, vodka with their name on it, perfume, clothing line, an album, in the movies, shoes and anything that we can consume - I think it is more than ever important to have people like William and Catherine. 


I would gladly pay taxes (each Britt pays a few pounds a year to keep the royal family) to have people like the Royals.


Here's my argument. Pick someone that's in the public eye that act and dress like skanks and meatheads, even the politicians don't help. Now, ask yourself, how many people do you see on TV act properly like how a real Lady and Gentleman should? Probably close to none. 

So there's my point. We are hypocrites by wanting to keep a society where everything we eat, buy, wear, drink and enjoy are making a few people on TV richer and richer. How much have we spent on the products that we bought because we saw someone on TV sell it or because it has their face on it? Every TV show has a product placement or a commercial that accompanies it. It could be dancing with the stars or a basketball game. It doesn't matter. It could be the morning news of the Sunday afternoon gossip parade. We watch em, the guys on TV and the companies that advertise with them make their riches from you and me, regular consumers. 


The world, and most everything consumed in is a product of marketing. From the TV shows you enjoy to the shoes you wear. And you are a sucker for that marketing, had bought into it and you're making someone rich and famous more rich and famous. 

To The Royals - the world is evolving. Children are more exposed to media that throws away values the moment it starts, so it's your job now to be examples to people. No one on TV shows how properly one should act anymore. Will and Kate's responsibility is to be an archetype of how a Gentleman and a Lady should. I pray that in their life in the future that they will be less controversial and be more of an inspiration. 

This week - and the past 28 years.

It's amazing what you end up doing when you find yourself in between work while at work. 


After having spoken to a client about how much they are spending with us and what I thought would help them this year (More like, what quarter I need to sell them into), i decided to take a quick break and venture into SCUBA diving. 


Long story short, I've signed up for an open water scuba diving class. This means I will be, at the end of the program, dive in deep water up to a few dozen feet with a complete SCUBA equipment. 


I've always wanted to do this. Ever since I was a kid, I imagined myself diving into the depth of the deep sea and look at and see what the world has to offer down below. I can only begin to imagine the surreal colors that it has to offer. No amount of inches on a 1080p flat screen LED can rival the experience of it, I'm sure. 


So, I went down to the local Sports Chalet and picked up a few things. I bought a mask, some fins, a snorkel and some boots. I was so proud of myself. 


I'm actually going to do exactly what I said I would. Now if I can only be consisted with this, including sleeping early to wake up in the morning to go for a run or a swim. 


I had shared with a friend the good news and somewhat felt that I got shot down. Made me question what I did. The comment was "another expensive hobby". Validity to the comment is acceptable. But, don't I work hard enough to be able to do things that would make me happy? 


Is it improper to give yourself the experience that you would consider a life goal (among others) and make yourself feel good that you've accomplished something? Should I just disregard this and pursue it? Of course right? The great men of the past disregarded the warnings of their mothers and went on to scale the largest mountains and discover new land. Just to clarify, the friend I'm pertaining to is not my mom. 


My mom, however. That's another story. She tolerates my adventures. Even though she knows that climbing mountains, mountain biking and camping has a certain degree of danger to it, I've overheard her tell her friends one time that she is happy that I'm doing this rather than coming home drunk or smoking. 


I'm sure she can tell the difference in my mood too when I've done something I'm proud of. 


Reflecting on the past 28 years. I've observed that I've slowed down somehow on judging the world. I've added an extra step to my thinking. And that's thinking a bit more before saying something and/or reacting to something. 


Yes, I still fall trap to my own impulsiveness, but i find myself taking the high road more now than before and that's avoiding that road altogether. 


I've said once that I have the material things that I think I need right now. It will just be a matter of getting better versions of the existing one now. 


I'm proud of the fact that I'm saving more now (I'm making more too) and that I've become more flexible in being able to embark on certain things I've always wanted to do. 


People, friends, family are the physical conscience that help me take an extra step if I've found myself falling into the traps of my impulsiveness. People, friends and family are the also the driving force for my little and large success. They validate my existence and they are the ones who I go back to the end of the day and share my experience with. 


As a good friend had just said the other day, "God, I love living vicariously through you..."


Happy Birthday old man. Happy Birthday to me. 

The Spinning Dancer Illusion

This drove me nuts this morning - Is she going left or is she going right?

Now, go grab a friend and ask him/her is the dancer is spinning clockwise or counter clockwise -

Crazy right?

Well, a japanese guy created this and... well, that says it all.

Have fun with it!

This below is a modified illustration to "help" you figure it out. uhm... yeah. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spinning_Dancer

June Road Trip Weather - In Celsius

Universal Studios Hollywood (20's)


June 4th is the first day of Summer Vacation for most kids in the US. Expect the place to be packed. It is important that we buy our front of line passes as early as possible since these are limited. 


It will be warm -  a bit humid. We will need to bring our own water in the park and a change of clothes (we can also get wet on some rides). 


If we get there early, as soon as the park opens, we will be able to see most of the park and get to ride almost all of the rides. 


The earlier we get done, the earlier we can start making our way to Las Vegas. Expected time of departure from Los Angeles should be 4pm. 


It will still be a four hour drive to Las Vegas. Rest in the car. Saturday night in Las Vegas is always fun. 


Las Vegas weather (upper 20's low 30's)


Warmer than Los Angeles. Warm, but dry. Meaning there will not be too much sweating, but it does not mean we are not losing moisture. Dry weather means accelerated moisture loss. Dry lips and skin. 


Gear up with your own lip gloss and sun glasses - hat's are optional. The weather will be similar in Arizona. 


Northern California


Yosemite Valley will be the same temperatures as the Bay Area. It will be cooler at night. It is essential that we will bring some cold weather gear as it may hit the teens in the evening. 


http://www.weather.com/weather/wxclimatology/monthly/graph/90089


http://www.weather.com/weather/wxclimatology/monthly/graph/USNV0049

What a honeymoon

European Snowstorm in December @.dailymail.co.uk

Imagine getting married and asking yourself, "am I ready for this adventure?" If you were in these guys shoes, you'd be laughing back at that moment. 


Stefan and Erika, a newlywed Swedish couple went on a four month hiatus in what they hoped would be a great adventure (they did bring their infant baby with them). 

Damage in Christ Church, New Zealand @.dailymail.co.uk

They started off in Munich, remember the epic blizzard that blanketed the whole of Europe? Yup. They were there. 


So, it being winter in the Northern Hemisphere, they decided to go down South. In Australia. Where they were met with a powerful snowstorm. Spent days in a shelter. 


They found their way to Brisbane - flooding of biblical proportions. 


Off to Perth! Bushfire. That's all I can report. 


Well, New Zealand sounds good round this time of year, they thought. Well, except for the 6.3 magnitude earthquake! 

They also witnessed first hand the devastating earthquake
in Japan @.dailymail.co.uk

So they proceed back up North. Guess where they were in March. Yup! Japan. And what happened in Japan? Yup. That. 


Finally - finally the couple made it to Bali. They were greeted by the warm smiles, the beautiful sand and a monsoon. Yup! More rain. 


Read the full article on The Daily Mail UK - pictures are there too.  


I personally thought that it would've been an amazing adventure. I am glad they are with each other. Imagine if one of them we're whining and bitching and moaning and does not know the meaning of turning lemons into...

Consibrinus

About a year ago, something amazing happened - almost the whole family was here. We enjoyed each others company as usual. We all practically grew up together. We got to catch up - hang out. Basically did things we all used to do together.


Laugh. Dine. Lay in bed. Watch TV. Play video games. Read. Road Trip. Laugh at our parents and aunties. Sing. Take Pictures. 


This was special. This was after years of being apart. Miss them already actually. Terribly. 


Here's a quote I googled about cousins. Yeah yeah, Im not going to make up some cookie story on how I've stumbled upon it. I googled it. Google "Quotes on cousins..." so here - enjoy. 

“Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.”

So true  -  funny how it seems. Urk. That was almost a bad song. 

Going back to us. Well, what can I say? I guess other than, I can't wait till the next time. Hopefully all of us will be here and we are all 21 or older. That will make me, 30 something. Shit. 

Anyways. If you're my cousin and you're reading this. Yup! Anakangdelangmo. Miss you. 

Your first love -

It was Nietzsche who wrote "Love is a state in which man see's things; most widely different from what they are". 


That phrase can't be more true. Especially when it's an admiration that has spanned more than half a lifetime.

There was this girl who indirectly flipped the "in love" switch when I was ten years old. I remember the exact place and time and who I was with at the point. It was during recess in grade school - 4th grade actually. I was with my best friend then. We were looking down form the second floor and there she was. Crossing the open area. We've known her since pre-school. But for some reason, on that day, at that moment - something sparked.

Fast forward 18 years later - here I am. Secretly still hoping, that day will come when I can say she's mine. Secretly.

I'm not really sure what I feel for her. Is it the same type of regret that you feel when you know you should have done something but you didn't? Is it the same type of feeling that envelopes you when you had missed on a great opportunity? I'm not really sure.

Update on her. She is now separated from her husband. She married early. When we were 19, she got pregnant. I remember when that news was broken to me. I felt like those who told me were scared to tell me. I was really really wretched that time. I collected all the letters I got from her and the next weekend went up mount makiling in Los Banos and burned em. Yup! Burned em... Right next to the sulfur mud bath.

Stupid - I know. Senseless, absolutely. But it helped.

After that day - I went on a rampage. Girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend.

Don't get me wrong. I treasured every relationship I was with. I cared for my girlfriend. I appreciated the time. But even after every break up, I think of that first girl. The one that I saw from the second floor.

So, yeah. She has a daughter. I am one of her godfathers. We keep in touch. I send her several post cards and letters every year. Ironic, cause 15 years ago, I was exchanging letters with her mom.

So, recently I had an idea that maybe I should go do it. Tell her I like her still and show her what Im made of. But how? I'm so far away. So, being the boy scout that I am. I did some recon work. Yup! I asked people.

What did I learn? Well, that she's seeing someone. The person who told me this said, she's not sure, but yes, she's seeing someone at this point in time.

This sucks. I've got no letters to burn. But then again, I've got nothing to lose too.

San Francisco, Yosemite, Death Valley, Las Vegas, Antelope Canyon, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas

Great American SW road trip

I miss my youth

I was listening to a recently downloaded track - I know I have it illegally downloaded somewhere, but I wanted to give justice to it and buy it this time so I can hear it on my iphone.

It's Moonpools & Caterpillars "Soon". My lifelong friend Nikki had that CD when we were kids.

"When we were kids". It's a little funny cause I am an adult now. I enjoy it. The freedom, and its corresponding challenges. I look back though and part of me says, wow - that was quick. It's funny I know - but wow.

I grew up in a time when we watched the same TV shows and listened to the same music. It was cool when you know of music not being played on the radio. Really, the only source of music was, well - just live radio.

My generation grew up as the internet bloomed. Our chat rooms were confined to mirc. I wonder how that place is now. My generation welcomed this new technologically wrapped world with open arms while looking back on the last days of analog. We can understand when people say, back in the day. We can also adapt to when people mention the latest tech craze.

I am thankful for that.

However, I look back and even though the difference in the youth of today and twenty years ago has a vast chasm in between - I look back and see faces. Hear songs. Smell afternoons and feel the summers beating on my back.

I remember running out of the house as soon as I hear my friends clap their hands outside the house. That means it's play time. Summer time was amazing, because we had non stop time and did not have to involve our parents. We did not have to have them subscribe me to xbox live, pay for the internet, take care of my cellphone bill or get me the latest laptop or smartphone.

All we needed was to be there and to let them know where we are going. All we needed to do was be home by sunset.

Most of my friends were from the same school I went to. We didn't go a prestigious private school, nor did we go to the government run public schools. We were pretty much, middle class - middle of the road - decent and well mannered kids from the suburbs.

We enjoyed being away form the city life but being close enough to when we want to go on an urban odd-venture, we can.

Nikki - for example. Yes, she was everyones crush - including myself. But we qualified each other as people who think the same - who play along the same lines and get excited about almost the same things. Yes we argued a lot and there are things that I may disagree with her on - but I can say that if i were to get a handful of people who really know me. She's there.

She's outgoing, well spoken, well educated and can be your average kanto-kid to an elegant demi-god. She's definitely a best friend.

Cathy - when there was a Nikki - there was a Cathy. She's happily married now and of course, must devote most of not all her attention and love to the Mr.. but she never fails to deliver a sweet and only-from-cathy message when you need and deserve one.

Arden - arden arden arden. The friend whom I've shared the least amount of words with but the one whom I've shared the most amount of time with. We don't talk that much, only when we need to. But somehow, we know that our friendship is forever. And as far as we're concerned - it's been going on all out lives. We went through learning alcohol together, visiting our girlfriends at the same school together, losing the same girls at the same time, liking the same girl at the same time, crashing our bikes and finishing computer games together.

Why am I being melancholy and melodramatic right now? Well... there's no reason really. It's just one of those days. Must be the cirrus clouds.

Lakwatcha 2

Travel Tips when going abroad.

There are very general and common sense guidelines that one needs to know when you are travelling abroad, or even locally.

The past 10 years have brought huge changes in how we travel. Security is the main reason, but following closely to it is economics. There are certain things that we need to remember before you decide to go on that backpacking trip, that business trip or that emergency trip on a plane or even a train or a cruise.

Things to have -

No matter what happens, bring a jacket. Obviously, if your general destination is Las Vegas in the summer, a thinner jacket is needed. Here's why the jacket/windbreaker is essential:

Buildings and some vehicles are cold. Buses and airports become notoriously cold, especially in the summer. They naturally would crank that A/C up to max. After a few hours inside, your body would have acclimated and you suddenly would feel cold.

You'll never know when you're going to catch a cold and then suddenly you need a jacket.

Are you attending a seminar or a conference? Bring one, you WILL need it.

And for my favorite reason. Airport security checkpoints - I normally don't my loose change,

wallet, cellphone, money clip, cash, pens and passport in my pant pocket. I keep them in the jcaket

when I'm in the airport. My reason is, when it's time to pass through those machines, I can just easily take off

my jacket and everything I would have needed to remove from my pants is in there.

Efficiency is key. Once you've landed and reached your destination. Distribute your wallet,

cellphone etc. amongst your other pockets. (Note. Do not use this technique if you have a habit of leaving

your jackets in random places)

Bring and carry copies of your legal documents. Passports, ID's, VISA's etc. When going around town, carry

only the copies of those and keep the original in your bag. The only time you will need to show it, is

if a security official with a badge in a building like an airport asks for it. Other than that, show copies.

Also, always keep copies of these documents safely in a zip lock bag in all your luggage.

Bring a notebook (preferably a pocket sized moleskin). You will need also a pen. In that book write:

all your flight and transfer details

your telephone number

your itinerary

in case of emergency information

your home country's embassy or consulate information

words and phrases you might pick up along the way

hotel details

and many more things that you will, for sure, you dont want to keep in a device that runs out

of batteries.

Comfortable shoes. Yes. Fashion comes after function when travelling. Always. Now, some people might

find this crazy because they've been told to travel in fashion - my point is, when you're not coming home

to your own house later today, consider fashion after function. And besides, you can always be fashionable

and still have function before it.

Here are a few other items that you must always have with you before you go out into the world.

- Flashlight (LED is preferred, the smaller the better)

- Pen (Pencil preferred)

- Sunglasses (always, no matter where you are going)

- Needle and thread kit (you will love yourself for having this when you find yourself needing it)

- Any variant of dizziness pills, antihistamines, pain killer (not too much or else you'll be in trouble)

- a light good book

- zip lock bags

- poncho

- multi took kit (avoid the ones with large knives)

- snack bars

- bottled water (always purchase one after security at the airport - remember those guys who

got stuck on the plane)

These are items on top of the common sense and general things that you want to carry with you like

extra underwear and socks, a travel pillow (optional), camera(s) etc.

(--- insert more here)

Travelling abroad is always supposed to be fun but it doesn't have to always be a hassle. When you're

prepared, you are less stressed. Always employ a checklist and start one weeks in advance of a trip.

When you walk into a building, always be aware of the orientation of the building (NEWS-North, East, West, South)

Always look for the nearest exit. Find the closest restrooms. Try to pack light and pack prepared.

You don't have to overdo your preparation. 99% of the time, it will be uneventful.

A Letter To Randy David

Dear Prof. David -

My name is Andreo Jab Buhay. I currently live in Las Vegas, NV. I've immigrated to the US a few years ago. in 1998, I walked the hallowed halls of the AS building as I finished my UPCAT exam and whispered to myself that one day, I will walk the same steps as a student of the Univerisity. I found myself in UP Los Banos a few months later, happily taking up a BA degree. Being a resident of Antipolo, I had an excuse to take GE courses in the summer in Dilliman. So to a certain degree, a promise to myself was met.

I am a professional now in Las Vegas. Working full time as a marketing consultant during the day, on weekends as a photographer for the Little White Chapel and every so often, taking up freelance photography jobs in and around town. I had a discussion a few weeks ago, with a contemporary from UP, about why I try to keep three jobs all at the same time, when I'm already in the US. Of course the explanation was far more than a simple sentence - it was deeper than that. The discussion and theories went on for a few more hours (we were chatting on Yahoo Messenger). We've discussed several social adjustments Filipinos had to undertake as we move and live in other countries. We really did not resolve anything that time.

During President Aquino's oath taking, I had felt a sense of pride and hope as I saw it live on the Filipino Chanel. My mother and her american husband was watching it with us. I personally, do not know what the protocol is, but when the National Anthem was played, I stood up and placed my hand on my chest and sang. The sense of pride and hope, Im sure was shared by many other Filipinos world wide. It reminded me of that November 2008 night, when I was ironing my clothes, while watching CNN when they officially declared Barrack Obama the president of the United States.

A few weeks after President Noys oath taking, I took an oath as well. I was sworn in, together with 64 other individuals as new American Citizens. I felt torn inside Prof. David. I felt like I was turning my back on the country whom I've shed so much tears for. The homeland whom I have so much dreams for. I had to take an oath and denounce any allegiance with my motherland. You are probably asking now, why I did it. It's because I have a girlfriend, a fiancee waiting there in Manila. I want her to come here, and this is the fastest way for us to get it done. Machiavellian as it may sound, that's my reason.

My girlfriend and I have plan of one day coming back home and creating cooperatives for farmers and fishermen. That one day, we will be able to help the urban poor by convincing them to move back to the provinces to run their own business through our coop, provide them with a home and education for their children. Our dream is that one day, we will make a difference, one family at a time.

I do plan to come home one day, Prof. David. I want to be a farmer - wake up early in the morning, sipping my home grown coffee, feeding the chickens and fattening my pigs in the backyard. I want to sleep in a kulambo, with the evening wind through the ventanillas caressing me to sleep. I want to wake up to the warmth and wetness of the morning and enjoy the peaceful countryside dawn.

I've been following your articles sporadically for the past ten years - I've always hesitated to write you a personal letter. I am doing this now because of my torn feelings. I feel like I've betrayed my beliefs and everything I had raised my left fist on during my years in UP. How does a man chose between his pride and the things he must do? How does a man get torn between two flags because of need and want. I am sure I am not alone in the world with this situation, but what is the right thing to do? What is the right thing to feel? I hope this finds you well Dr. David. Thank you for your time.

--
Jab Buhay

LIHAM NI NINOY KAY NOYNOY

August 25, 1973

Fort Bonifacio

11:30pm

Mr. Benigno S. Aquino III

P E R S O N A L

My dearest Son:

One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.

In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.

The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet “muleta” and sword. The Spaniards call this “the moment of truth.” This is the climax of the bullfight.

This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie’s, your sisters’, yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.

I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I’ve been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the “Anti-Subversion Act” and murder.

You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.

You may ask: why did you do it?

Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.

You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.

For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.

Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.

The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.

I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.

In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.

Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.

Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.

It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.

I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant’s revenge.

It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.

Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.

I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.

In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.

Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.

Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.

I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.

The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.

There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.

Son, the ball is now in your hands.

Lovingly,

Dad

10 Years of Opinions

Roughly around 10 years, ago, give or take a year, my friends from UP (my classmates back then), had always enjoyed a fellowship over coffee, breakfast, a view of our beautiful campus and the major daily broadsheets.

Our nook was Homespun. It was on the 3rd floor of the Vega building outside of the UP Los Banos campus. It had wide open windows which allowed us to enjoy the panoramic view of our world. Homespun was a family run business that served breakfast, lunch and dinner - canteen style. It had bucket seats and tables and at that time, 1999 - sported one of the fastest dial up internet connections and yes, they served very decent food.

There was always someone who came in with the Philippine Daily Inquirer and the Philippine Star. For some reason, we enjoyed both papers. Some went straight to the Horoscope section - most went straight to read works by Amando Doronilla, Randy David and our favorite, Conrado de Quiros. We talked and argued about our different ideas on topics ranging from socialism, democracy, Rizal, our gay professors, punctuations, grammar, music and many others. Sometimes we would talk for hours and just stay there till we get our next meal for the day. By the time we are ready to leave our coveted spot with the view, there will be acquaintances who would gladly take over and continue the mental masturbations.

This was the time when the actual generation of post Martial Law babies, the Eraserheads generation had started sprouting out of their shells and are engaging with world with their tenacity and individualism. This was the time when Erap was just hailed into power, and taken down a few months later. This was the last century. This was the time when companies like Google and Apple were not heard of yet and a walkman was still a common thing to have. This was 10 years ago. Oh how things have changed - and oh how other things have remained the same.

Now I find myself reading through the same sections in the PDI online (www.inquirer.net), looking for the same familiar names with the same familiar tone of writing. Granted, we've all aged and our attention span a bit shorter, but there's nothing better than a good column that coincides with your feelings and thoughts.

Today I read Professor David's message to the people and the new president. It spoke of hope and renewed spirit while providing the wise words that not only speak to Mr. Aquino, but also to each and every person that reads it. Part of it goes:

"TODAY BELONGS, OF COURSE, TO OUR NEW president, Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III. That means it is also the first day we don’t have Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo as president. What a great difference that realization instantly brings! It is as if a heavy curtain of demoralization is suddenly drawn, and quickly we regain our bearings...

That means basically: don’t lie, don’t steal and don’t cheat. Don’t enrich yourself while in office. Follow the spirit of the law, more than its letter. Do not ask your lawyers for advice on how to interpret the law in order to get what you want. Ask them rather what is right and what is just.

Talk to the people and listen to them. Take time to converse with the youth, know their dreams and anxieties. Live and travel simply, remembering always that it’s the people’s money you’re using. Work hard, but be frank about what you can and cannot do. Public service is a shared burden. Tell the people how they can help the government. Lead by example."

Now the world that I am in does not have the wooden bucket seats, the view nor the contemporaries whose smiles, laughter and opinions I miss. It is a cold, quiet cubicle with artificial lighting and a monitor. I am fortunate enough to still get a chance to read my David's, de Quiros and Doronillas every so often. I guess I am also fortunate that I am able to share this with whoever wants to read it.

So here it is - read on. Enjoy.

(read: Prof. Randy David / Public Lives / Decency and the presidency)

What my parents taught me

Let me just throw this out there. I'm not a product of a traditionally complete and happy family. I am however, a product of the events that had lead to my desperation to have a typical family.

It is safe to say that I see my parents, both of my biological ones, as good friends. Intimate friends whom I share secrets with, my deepest thoughts and plans with every so often. Ever since I've transplanted myself from the world that I built for myself in Manila, I've been left with updating my Mom and Dad of how happy I am of certain achievements. I guess, really, I wasn't prepared to see and understand my parents, of who they really are, beyond being the people who bore me onto this world.

I've taken into account that I've shared the blood and sweat that my Dad and my Mom had to endure during those years of misunderstandings and tears. My dad, I've understood from a cerebral stand point and my mother, from a very emotional view.

Typically, my dad is the one who talks a lot. Just like me, he likes to share himself through words and ramblings and one sided conversations. He thinks a lot. Like me, I'm sure, he finds the comfort in walking around Home Depot, not know really what is needed to be bought, but just to be around simple tools that promise improvement, gives that sense of order. Like me I'm sure, my dad enjoys listening to other people talk on the radio while driving and sometimes find himself in a conversation with himself while he's driving the lonely road. Just like me, he finds satisfaction in finding how things work, even though these are useless things or things that really don't affect him personally... He likes the Discovery Channel, National Geographic, Military Channel and the like. I like that.

(not completed)